In the spring of 1996 the History Channel was still running a feature called "History at the Movies," or something like. They'd screen a movie and invite some noted historian to comment on the discrepencies during the commercial breaks. In those days the History Channel was still obsessed with Hitler, so it was really unusual to find programming that didn't cite the 1939-45 period. I had just given birth to Offering Boy and we were both feeling our way (if you'll pardon the pun) to learning how to nurse. So when he'd wake up in the small hours, even though he slept with us, I'd bring him downstairs to eat. We'd sit in the green recliner where I felt safe and sure that he'd neither roll over the side; nor that I'd roll on him in turn. I've spent many nights sleeping in that chair but that's another story.
Anyway, in the summer of 1996 it seemed like every time I came downstairs to nurse OB, the History Channel was showing Zulu, a 1964 film about the battle of Rorke's Drift between the British army and the Zulus during the Anglo-Zulu War of 1879. I didn't particularly want to watch a bloody (literally) war film while I nursed my precious son, so I wold surf up and down the line-up until I found something better, like Law and Order or a documentary on Ted Bundy.
Anyway, on more than one night our sessions would go something like this:
Offering Infant: Waaah!
Me: <shoving breast into mouth> Here!
TV: <Zulus attacking White Guys> AAEEIIIIII!
Me: <click> <click> <click> <click> <click>
Offering Infant: <yank>
Me: OW!
TV: <Zulus still attacking white guys> AAAAAAAAAA!!! <bang>
Me: <click> <click> <click> <click> <click>
Offering Infant: <burp>
Me: OOOOOO!
TV: <Zulus attack yet more White Guys, some of whom die valiantly>
And so it went. It took an awfully long time for the Zulus to get to the point, and I lost patience with the History Channel. Offering Infant emptied both breasts and yanked on them to indicate he'd finished. Sometimes I'd put him back in his bassinet upstairs and stagger back to the recliner for some alone-time (with a bag of frozen peas for my poor boobs); and damn if those Zulus weren't still attacking the beleagured White Men at Rorke's Drift. Hard to believe the Empire actually won that war.
The reason I am reminded of all of this is that tonight TCM is screeming Zulu during its "Epic Battles Prime TIme" feature. Right now Khartoum is on, but Charlton Heston is about to go downstairs to be speared, so you know it's almost over. Zulu comes on at 10:15 p.m. EST...it's a wonderful film; I finally watched it all the way through once The Littlest Offering came along. I really recommend it (even if it does take a while to get to the point). Stanley Baker before he got fat and dead and dishy Michael Caine (in his first starring role) before he got old! Plus a really wonderful John Barry score!
